I am writing these Show Notes realizing that they will appear on my website on December 1st, 2006! Oh my gosh!! December is here!! I don't know why it always seems that the holidays creep up so quickly! Is it me? Or do you feel that way too? I've declared this a 'pink' Christmas in our household! After going through 10 years of Christmases where I had felt a void (that became bigger and more painful with each passing year), I am SO excited and thrilled to pieces about this Christmas! To see it through the face of my daughter will be more joyous than I can imagine! So I am compelled to have a pink Christmas to celebrate not only the holiday, but the baby girl that is making it, and everything about life, so special! I just lit a little pink Christmas tree on the windowsill in her room. It is the only decoration that's up. But I couldn't wait another minute to see her face as we lit it for the first time! She looks at it and smiles and kicks her legs and claps her hands! Too sweet for words!

But for those of you who are not yet mommies, that are struggling with fertility issues this holiday season, please know I deeply feel for you, and I want to take a moment to write about this.

I am praying for you every night before I go to sleep. I am hoping that your journeys don't linger as mine had. Though I am SO happy this year, happy beyond belief...I went through hell and back before arriving at my happiness. I wouldn't wish this challenge on anyone. Every single day is hard. Even nights became hard for me. I used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. I used to wake up sweating and hyperventilating and feeling like I was going to lose my mind. I wanted to reach up inside of myself and rip out my fibroids, my scar tissue, my endometriosis. I wanted to pull out all of the bad that had attacked my body. And I'd have nightmares...a lot of nightmares. Peace was something that eluded me. Joy was a distant memory. Though days and nights are difficult, the holiday season can be unbearable.

As I've said before, you must just carry onward. Consider your options. And know that one of those options WILL bring you your baby. It isn't easy to keep your thoughts in the affirmative. Allow yourself time to cry and time to feel sorry for yourself. Allow yourself the choice of removing yourself from any situation that will be just too difficult. Treat yourself gently. But also allow yourself time to feel the holiday spirit, time to be festive, and time to laugh. Laughter can help get you through, if your let it. And, as always, find your support sector, and surround yourself with them as much as possible. Try to have the best holiday season you can. (and, of course, shopping can't hurt!)

I am so happy to have my incredible surrogate on this, our 3rd show, of The Reproductive Challenged Woman! Colleen Meyers is a woman that has 3 children of her own. Yet she found an unexpected calling to become a surrogate! She birthed twin babies for one couple and a baby girl for another couple! She had wanted to do it one more time, and I was her 'one more time' girl! Only with me, it didn't work. You see, there was a total of 8 embryos from my second invitro. I had 5 of them put into me, but none implanted inside of me. The 3 that remained were cryopreserved (frozen). When embryos are frozen and then go through the thawing process, there is always a good chance that they may not make it through the thaw. Only 1 of my 3 embryos survived the thaw. I called this one 'my little trooper'. This is what was put into Colleen, with hope that it would implant and she would carry our baby to term.

Well, the embryo didn't implant, and I had previously been diagnosed with another fibroid growing inside my cavity, so I had been unable to do invitro a third time to accumulate more embryos. (I was declared 'too much of a burden' to work with any further. Although I didn't really want to do the drugs and have the invasive procedures done again, I REALLY didn't want to hear those words of hopelessness! That's another story for another time.)

Colleen and I met at the clinic and when we went back into the room where the procedure was done, it was very surreal. I sat beside Colleen as she laid there. The doctor came in with 'my little trooper' in a catheter, and we watched on the monitor as the catheter went into her and then released the embryo. The whole experience was like watching a movie. It didn't seem real...that someone would do this for me. It was the most touching, most giving thing any woman could do for another. And here was Colleen, doing it for me, after she had done it for two other couples!! Wow!! It is a story of giving beyond normalcy. When I think about what it would be like to treat each other like it's Christmas every day, I think of Colleen. For she is the perfect example of that. She has been an angel of giving and has loved every minute of it (as you will hear in her interview). I think of her as a woman with a golden heart.

In the spirit of this holiday season, I am honored to have my series of December shows begin with the story of Colleen Meyers. I love her dearly, and she has touched me deeply...forever. I hope that you are fortunate enough to have an angel like Colleen come into your life. Enjoy the show.